When our children were born we wished for the basics. You know. Healthy, happy children. We may have under wished.
We now bring you our regularly scheduled blog post, already in progress....
James (Age 9): "I know him. He's in the eighth grade. His homeroom is next to mine. When I see him coming I hide in his locker and scare him."
Dad: "Whatever happened to the days of underclassmen being shoved into the locker by upperclassman? What's this world coming to?"
Olympia (Age 13): "Wait a second, you don't fit in those lockers."
James: "I'll have you know, I'm very slender."
Dad: "I can't wait for the school to call and tell us the Fire Dept. had to come pry James out of a locker with the Jaws of Life."
Olympia: "That would be such a great phone call."
Mom: "Oh yeah. We'd just add it to the list of great phone calls I've already received."
Recently I had the opportunity to two great things simultaneously. One was read a few of my poems in a public setting, something I have had little practice in. The other thing I got to do, which I have had loads of practice, is irritate my wife Ann. I can't remember if I told her we were going out for dinner or if it was a wine tasting but wasn't she surprised. Our youngest children wanted me to read the poems to them before we left for the night. I obliged. I should know better. I wonder where they get it from?
Dad: "I was six years old. Very... James you asked me to do this. Why are you playing Tomb Runner while I'm reading this?"
James (Age 9): "I'm not. It's Fruit Ninja. I'll stop and listen."
Dad: "Very much a child. Being..."
James: "Zzzzzzzzzzzzz"
Dad: "Would you stop."
James: "When do you get to the part when I can snap my fingers and say 'Yeah Daddy-O'?"
Dad: "It's not that kind of poetry."
Olympia (Age 13): "Instead at the end we give him the 'Two Snaps, Golf Clap'.
Dad: "Can I go back to this please?"
Olympia: "Go for it. We are all ears."
Dad: "Being mischievous. Running... Your texting?"
Olympia: "I was telling Sarah that I couldn't talk to her right now I was busy."
James: "You need to be prepared for this stuff when performing in public. We haven't even started heckling you yet."
Dad: "How pray tell do you know about performing?"
James: "My whole life is a public performance."
For those of you who thought that packing up and moving an "adult" child to school would be difficult need to consider this. They will have to be moved home in nine months without you there to pack for them! Add to this that the packing would need to take place before, during, and after finals and you start to get the idea that it might be better to contract a trash company to haul everything in the dorm room away and just buy them new clothes. We will use the magic of time lapse storytelling to take a three hour period and consolidate to one blog post...
Dad: "What are they doing up there? They have brought down two bins in a half hour."
Olympia (Age 13): "They're sitting on the beds trying to decide what kind of music to pack to."
James (Age 9): "Brady is waiting in the window to throw this big ball he has at someone from the second floor when they walk by the dorm."
Dad: "Pickett, how did you get roped into helping them move?"
Pickett (Friend of Brady) "It's an excuse to not study for the final I have tomorrow."
Brady: "We have to have room checked before we go. Do you have a broom and a swifter and trash bags?"
James: "I just had to clean out under Brady's bed. Uhhhgh! I might never be the same again."
Olympia: We found the back to Brady's phone."
Dad: "How long has it been missing?"
Olympia: "Since the first week of school."
Random Girl: "Oww!"
Justin (Brady's roommate): "Throw back the ball!"
James: "Brady was talking about throwing that ball all day and Pickett threw it and stole all the glory."
Mom on phone: "Are you guys almost done? Should I get steaks for a welcome home bar-b-que?"
Dad: "At this rate we should be home by bedtime."
Mom: "Takeout it is."
Dad: "There is an inch of dust on all this stuff. Didn't you guys ever clean?"
Justin: "You can't see it in the dorm. It's the poor lighting."
Dad: "I'm thinking it's poor hygiene."
Random Girl: "Hey!"
James: "Sorry lady. Can we have the ball back."
Dad: "How much more is up there?"
Olympia: "Hard to say but they are still packing bins."
Brady: "I think this is the last of it. All we have to do is wait for the RA to check the room and then I need to go return library books."
Dad: " You've walked by the library how many times since your last final?"
Brady: "I was busy."
Dad: "Doing what?"
Brady: "Packing."
